Bede Jr. emailed this week and said he will be back in the states on Oct. 29. I realized at that moment, I could breath again. I felt a physical release. A freedom.

It took me by surprise. I am practised at denial...why stress over what we cannot change...just don't think about the bad. I've had to do this many times in my life.

I remember the time I took all the kids to see daddy jump out of an airplane. Bede Jr. and Joanna were young and Andrew was just a few months old. Bede was the jumpmaster, which means he would be the last out of the plane.
Lots of soldiers jump out of the plane, so usually we never knew which one he was, but this time we knew. The kids and I were parked on a bluff overlooking the jump area. We were about 1/4 of a mile away. Joanna and Bede Jr. played in the dirt while we waited for things to begin. We saw the plane, we saw the jumpers fall out one after another, shoots deploying. We saw the last man out. "That one is daddy" I said to the kids. We watched his shoot deploy fully and followed him as he decended. He hit the ground hard, he did not get up. Soldiers ran over to him. I suggested to the kids that they go back to their hotwheels in the dirt. They had no worries...
Bede still did not get up. We were far enough away that I really couldn't see what was happening. I did see the ambulance drive up to him. It blocked my view of Bede. I stood and watched for what seemed life an eternity. Nothing happened. No loading him up, no lights and sirens...nothing. I told the kids, who were blissfully unaware, to pick up their toys and get in the car. We went home. I honestly felt that he was either ok, or dead. Either way I would hear soon. I fed the kids and tried very hard to be normal. 3 hours later, there was a knock at the door. Before I could get to it, in walked Bede. He looked unscathed. I went up and gave him a big hug and then smacked him on his arm for scaring me to death. He winced in pain and told me he had landed hard on his shoulder and dislocated it. They did take him to the hospital, put his shoulder back in place and he had taken off his splint and sling before he walked in the door because he didn't want to scare me...DIDN'T WANT TO SCARE ME !!!! Are you kidding? I was ready for the chaplin to drive up and give me the bad news. Why didn't he call? Again...didn't want to scare me! That's when I did get scared. When I knew it was all ok, but how close we may have come to disaster.

Then he deployed to Iraq, Bede jr deployed to Iraq, then deployed again. Yes denial...it's the only way. In my heart I know they are in danger, but on a daily basis, I must believe all is well. I realized long ago that falling into the well of fear and self pity does no good. Pray, pray, pray. Believe all is well. Trust in the will of God. Go on.
Bede Jr. will be home at the end of Oct. Thank God. I can breath again!

TGIF

Early this morning, 3am to be exact, Bede woke up with acute pain in his left knee. I assumed it was gout. He has had it before, but he said this felt different. So for the next several hours he tossed and turned, got up, sat in the chair, sighed, moaned and groaned. He indeed was in real pain. We waited until the Dr's office was open and then called for an appointment. I went to work, just to collect my files to be able work from home as Bede was in no condition to drive or for that matter go up or down the stairs. I left before Andrew had to get up for school. I arrived back home from work just in time to see Andrew arrive home from class and inform me he thinks he dislocated his right elbow in a game of football last night. So I drive Bede to the Dr. at 1:40,then Andrew at 2:30. Bede does not have gout. He has acute tendinitis. Andrew's elbow shows signs of ligament damage. But should be fine in a few days. Although he has an appointment with an ortho guy next week just in case. Bede is sleeping soundly this afternoon. Andrew was given a shot in the buttock that has made him the best son ever. I have received many hugs and "I love you"s this afternoon. I think mothers should have access to these things at home! I did get a lot of work done in between all the Dr visits. Thank goodness for the World Wide Web!

I have come to the conclusion that Bede and Andrew are soooooo alike!!! They both have 2 speeds...on and off. When they are on, they are on full blast. No moderation, no for thought, no consideration for consequences. Bede has mellowed over the years, but I see him in Andrew every day. Andrew IS Bede at 22. My consolation is that Andrew will also be Bede at 30,45,50...

Anyway, 2 injured men and me. What a great way to spend a Friday!

Really? Are we not allowed to disagree with the president of the United States because he's black? There is the real racism!

In praise of stupid dogs

We are dog-sitting this weekend. One of Joanna's friends is getting married tomorrow in Colorado. The bride and groom own a Husky named Juno. As the entire family and friends are in location for the wedding we were asked to keep Juno for the weekend. Actually Thurs-Monday evening. Juno is a beautiful dog. But she is smart. In the day and a half we have had her here, she has figured out things that Rufus has not even considered. She can open the french doors into the dining room. She has figured how to get potted plants off the table on the deck and eat them/scatter the remains all over. She has figured out how to move the large sheet of plywood we use to lock both dogs in the kitchen.
I don't think Rufus has ever even thought about any of these things. He is not a curious dog, nor is he what we would deem an incredibly intelligent dog. He is a gentle, loving, and very trainable dog. When we close a door, he seems to just accept it for what it is and moves on to other things. He knows when we put up the plywood, he must stay put and wait until we move it, which he seems to do without any trauma. He seems to take it all in stride.He even thinks we are in charge! He lives in the moment. He really is just a big lovable stupid dog.

The best kind of dog...